Formula For Improved Mental Health, More Happiness, and Healthier FinancesDec 16, 2022
Consider any area of your life. I mean anything. Do you feel that you are just right? Not too much, not too little, but just the perfect measure of enoughness?
If you are a woman raised in a patriarchal society, being enough may feel as attainable as becoming a Disney princess. Enoughness is like some kind of elusive wormhole. You spend your life being told, taught, and reminded that you are not enough. You are not pretty enough, skinny enough, plump enough, tall enough, short enough, smart enough, funny enough, accomplished enough, feminine enough, strong enough, young enough, straight enough, white enough, black enough, efficient enough, sexy enough, relaxed enough, limber enough, smiling enough, serious enough, ambitious enough, aggressive enough, gentle enough, quiet enough, outspoken enough, curious enough, cool enough, giving enough. Should I keep going? I know you know exactly what I am talking about.
AND after a lifetime of striving towards that arbitrary magic state, (if it is even something you can strive for, because it is not like you can actually even become less black or less gay, or less tall), as soon as you cross the line, you get sucked into the wormhole and instantly you become too much.
You become too outspoken, ambitious, sexy, smart, serious, giving, powerful, etc.
It is like we are set on a war path with ourselves chasing some imaginary, externally predetermined magical state of enoughness , and while we are busy driving ourselves crazy, we miss this whole time that we are in fact just perfectly, blissfully enough, in any given moment, and however we are.
So, I have a proposal for you. Just stop. Stop chasing enoughness and decide that you are just fine thank you very much. That you are doing the best you can, and whatever you are doing, whoever you are being is a OK.
Because you not being enough or being too much is the most ridiculous concept ever invented to disconnect you from our own self-love. (you are easier to manipulate and be sold to this way. Bonus, by being enough you save tons of money).
There simply isn’t another one of you, so who can actually decide how much of you is the right amount?
Listen, don’t get me wrong. I love personal development, growth and learning. I am ambitious and love to expand. But I do that because I absolutely love the process, not because I need to compensate for some imaginary shortcoming.
I also stopped dressing down, dumbing down, and playing small, so I don’t get others uncomfortable. I am a leader. Let me show you what is possible, so you can see in my eyes your own genius, and see how amazing you actually are.
So starting today, I want you to decide that your life is enough. That you are enough. That what you did or didn’t do was enough. And flip off anyone who tells you otherwise.
I only did 15 min of real work? Enough! I did no work and just rested. Enough! I ate one vegetable? Enough! I only walked from the train and didn’t work out? Enough! All I could do was kiss my children good night. Enough! I collapsed in bed and sex was out of the question. Enough! I told my partner I loved them. Enough!
Enough. Enough. Enough. Just enough.
When you allow in any given moment that you are enough, that you are doing your best given your state of mind, your energy levels, your sleep, your nutrition, your biorhythms, your hormones, your relationships, the weather, or Mercury retrograde, if you are into such thing, you begin to relax. When you realize that you cannot possibly mess up who you are, and you owe nobody an apology or an explanation, the joke stops being on you.
You can start treating yourself with the same kindness and compassion you would extend a dear loved one. Self-care becomes a no brainer. Boundaries magically spring into place. No becomes your favorite word. You take up space, go for what you want, because you fucking want to. You become much, much, much harder to manipulate and control.
And when you stop dialing yourself down, and support and encourage other women to rise with you, we all get better. We all collectively wake up from the nightmare of not enoughness and realize how magnificent, powerful, and magical we actually are, and what we are capable of.
I don’t expect you to change overnight. This is a practice. I encourage you to take it up. Do not file this article as a warm and cozy idea that feels good for a moment but has no practical application. I challenge you to take it up like your life depends on it.
If instead of criticizing yourself for how little you did, you make it enough, tomorrow you can start with a sense of excitement and anticipation, rather than failure and shame. If you end every day by remembering that you are enough, you free a tremendous reservoir of energy you used to spend daily on beating yourself up, or chasing enoughness. And with this energy my love, you can move mountains.
If you find this practice hard and you don’t know where to start, email me and I will send you a short meditation to get you going. Let’s spread enoughness, and make it contagious!
If you get stuck and/or want more help, guidance and clarity, schedule a call through this link and let's chat.
I don't try to sell you anything. I help you get clarity to make the best decision for you. If it makes sense, we explore working together. If not, we had a fantastic, clarifying conversation.