Three Steps To Moving On For GoodMay 12, 2023
I don't know what it was about this winter, but it seems people were struggling more than ever. It was coming out in every conversation as if they were so full of pain, that even unloading it on a stranger was preferrable to holding it inside.
I don't mind. In fact I am an unexpected Angel who can catch them in their accidental vulnerability and gently hold space to recover from the "lapse of judgment". Then we talk about it.
Imagine you eat your favorite meal. Every morsel is full of sensory delight, until it... isn't. Soon you cannot take another bite and the very thought is repulsive.
Life is kind of like that. Every sound, smell, shower, request, workout, sex, email, commute, responsibility, thought, feeling, or action is a bite of reality we have to take in and digest. But there is never time to digest. We keep taking it in. The broadband of our lives is full and then...something happens.
An extra request, an extra email, traffic jam, argument and to process we need to take more room. So we let go of things that "take up space". Quiet read, sensual love making, slow conversation, walk in the park, go to the side to make room for "emergency". But the other stuff doesn't stop. It keeps coming.
Then one day it is just too much. You get sick, your relationship implodes, you find that you hate your life. And then what?
Nothing. You are still full to the brim, have no energy to feel, let alone do anything about it.
This is why a well timed question by a complete stranger can have you spilling your guts like you are at a confession.
But behind this seemingly reckless dump there is a cry for help. You don't know what you need. You don't know what you want. You have no energy for anything, but you just know you don't want what you have.
OK. That's a start.
Road to recovery
1. Plug up leaks and connect to power source.
Pause for 30 seconds. Now notice that the sky didn't fall. That's good data. Pause for another minute. Is it still up?
Congratulations. You just digested your reality for 90 seconds. Like with food, we need to create space for the new stuff by digesting the old stuff. We can do it 2 ways: by slowing down enough for some things to work themselves out, the nervous system to settle down or new possibility emerging from the chaos of our thoughts. You can take a deep breath, take a shower, make a cup of tea, dance a song, look at nature, watch cat videos for 5 min, listen to music, pound some pillows, self pleasure, read a FEW pages of your favorite book, sit at the desk covering your eyes with palms of your hands.
You can simultaneously plug up your energy leaks while connecting to the source of your energy. What things drain you that you CAN eliminate NOW? Do that.
Now ask: What gives me power?
This is the missing link in our recovery. We have lost sight of our energy source and are trying to do more with less. No wonder we get burned out and desperate. What is your energy source?
On the physical level it produces ATP - literally a fuel for cells. You can make it by movement or micro current frequencies.
Your heart - when you are powered by love, you can move freaking mountains. Your heart is the most powerful transmitter and recipient of the type of energy which transcends time and space and runs the universal phenomena. This is not mumbo jumbo. It is hard science. Self love, self compassion, and self acceptance regulate your nervous system. They get you out of survival, so you can heal and recover.
Your sexual energy - according to Chinese medicine, the Kidney organ system, also associated with adrenals is a source of our fuel. Both in terms of the power that digests your food, and beats your heart, AND the power that connects you the into intuition and creativity and is a source of embodied spirituality.
2. Second step of the recovery process - Grieve
When you get some energy by reconnecting to your power sources, you can really get down to digestion. Yes, I am talking Grief.
The most powerful tool to honor and acknowledge what was, what wasn't, and will never be. To feel your feelings of gratitude and sadness, and rage, and love, and whatever else is in the space. To decide what you DO want to bring forward. And finally to lay the past to rest.
This is a full body process. Your mind is inadequate to move you through this stage effectively.
3. The third step is - Create
Grief is a powerful somatic process of releasing and cleansing. It also opens a huge space. If you don't fill it on purpose, it will fill up by default and most likely with old habitual patterns of thought and behavior. So this is the time to create a vision. To decide what do you want now that you have both the mental space to desire, and physical energy to make things happen.
Vision grounded in your connection to yourself, purpose and higher service is another source of energy. When you connect your vision with your senses you teach your nervous system that it can survive what you desire and your brain gets on board.
From here, action is inevitable. It is no longer a struggle. You have moved through and are ready to move on.
I have used this system over and over again to move through small and huge challenges, and losses. Through chaos and overwhelm. Once learned, you can apply it to anything. It is magic. Every. Single.Time.
The power of the body is nothing short of miraculous, and I want to invite you to learn it with me.
Join me for Unbecoming, The Embodied Foundations For Moving Your Life Forward. A Four week, virtual program for women ready to quit overwhelm and self denial. Details here.
It's an opportunity to join in community and heal, and support, and empower each other to ground in power, grieve the past, and manifest the future.
As usual send me a message with questions and comments.