Fool Proof Your DesiresFeb 18, 2023
It's February. About 6 weeks into the new year and the rush of the holidays, and the sparkly hope of the new beginning has long faded, taken over by the reality of daily responsibilities. If you are one of the few who has made a promise to themselves to follow a dream, or a desire and is still at it, I salute you. Read no further.
If you, on the other hand, find yourself cringing at the reminder of a resolution, or the promise you made to yourself, either forgotten, or abandoned by now, keep reading. You are not alone.
The pursuit of self improvement has a build in trap, which sets you up for failure. It is of course because it is build on a premise that you have to be improved. That you are fundamentally not OK as you are, and that you have to have more, be more, and/or do more, to be acceptable, lovable and worthy. Though subtle, this has a profound impact on your nervous system.
If you are telling yourself that you are not OK as you are, then every action to "improve" yourself is rooted in fear and self rejection. It is rooted in a thought that you must cease to exist as you are to become something else. That is simply not safe from the perspective of the nervous system, which is solely focused on helping you survive.
The impact of it is an activation of stress response, which biologically speaking goes against creativity, peace, joy, restful sleep, digestion, joyful sex, and relaxation. Kind of hard to sustain the effort if you loose access to those, huh? That is why the primary fuel on this path is will power. A finite resource. Once you burn through it, you are done.
So what to do?
Stop trying to improve. Get off the train of "personal development" and hop on the float of desire. Yes, desire. How are they different?
The path of desire is rooted in Eastern traditions. It is called alternately a path of Pleasure and Purification. It's premise is that you are perfect as you are. Inherently worthy, lovable and deserving.
From this place, you focus on something you would love to have in your life. Not because it will change you. Not because you need it to be worthy. Not because you have to prove anything to anyone, but for the sole reason that you... want it.
Your nervous system will activate around this desire, but in a different way. Once you get into action it will bring up to the surface every limiting thought, belief, and conditioning that is holding you back. These obstacles are not there because you picked a wrong desire, or you don't have what it takes to get it. They are places to look, things to heal, and integrate.
Your body is literally showing you the path towards you desire. You want this? Sure, you can have it, you just need to look here (limited thought, fear, belief, trauma, knowledge gap etc). Now the obstacle to your desire becomes your focus. As Rick Tamlin says : the obstacle to your work IS your work.
On this path you are still perfect as you are. You are still worthy, deserving, and lovable. You don't need to reach this desire to be those things. But IF you want to get to your desire, you need to heal and transform these things that are coming up.
Once you do, you will not just have achieved the goal you set out to get. You will have grown, up-leveled and transformed every aspect of your being. Now you reach the pleasure stage of this path. Until you set out for something new, and the new level of transformational opportunities arise.
On the path of self improvement every obstacle affirms your original notion - that you are not enough. On the path of desire, every obstacle invites you into healing and liberation.
There is no such thing as failure on the path of desire, because the measuring stick is progress, not a finish line. This path allows for your life to unfold as it does, for you to be in it, enjoy it, be present. Be happy, be sad, be anything in between and not make it mean that you are failing at your goal. That YOU are a failure.
So if you want to fool proof your desires, if you want to never again "abandon" your resolutions, I invite you to do 2 things:
1. Disconnect your desires from who you are as a person, and simply dare to want something for no reason at all, other than because you fancy it.
2. Every time an obstacle arises, get curious. Where is it pointing you to look? Then look there.
Your nervous system always works on behalf of your survival. It will help you grow, if the roots of your actions are acceptance and safety, or shut you down if your actions are rooted in criticism and rejection.
If you desire to grow through the Path Of Desire, with pleasure, with joy, and with deeply regulated nervous system, reach out and schedule a call HERE. My work combines Daoist and Tantric practices, with co-active coaching methodology, and somatic experiencing, to engage your whole system. We bring together conscious and unconscious networks, to heal, integrate and help you reach your desires around sexuality, relationships, intimacy, health, and career.
If you want to dive deep into the Desire Map and learn how to work with your nervous system, rather than against it, and how to bring to the surface things that hold you back for healing and transformation, check out my masterclass THE DESIRE MAP HERE.